emmm...

I just want to:

Stop time,

and sleep.


When I'm in this new room, I feel so anti-social. I don't want to meet people, although whenever I do it has been fun.:/ It's just like bathing. I always am suddenly gripped with tremendous inertia when I need to bathe, (like now), but then after it's all good.

I feel tired of having to meet new people. No, it's more tiring feeling to need to try to make yourself "attractive" in a way/likeable that they would want you as a friend.

To be or not to be - a photographer

OH POWDER.
(had to use a mildly plosive word, cos I am mildly frustrated.)

I spent the past 3 hrs attempting to finally upload my photos from vietnam and some pics I took of the dogs (note: no longer puppies) today.
Considered uploading to picasa web album, too long.
Then tried to burn it, don't know where the heck it was burnt to. Humph!

Then tried to just upload the dog pics on facebook, too long and too many.

All the loading. ARGHRAGHRAGH.

And I tak sempat upload everything, without tweaking some of the "possess potential" ones first. Then thought aiyah don't upload everything, people won't find it interesting. But one half of me says, "Noooo, must share this experience-all of it."

Sigh so here I am with nothing done. Well, thank goodness I did what I had to do, which is prepare my usp interview and i did one lesson of german. So the time wasted is allowable.

I just tried using photoshop. This is the version of my dad's laptof. It's Photoshop CS. Erm. Which is old I guess. And I don't know how to use anything. Can you imagine with all the other things??

Please help. I don't like techie stuff so it's going to be a steep incline. :(

I think at this rate the photos will only go up 10 yrs later. Then again, maybe never.
Yes yes I seriously think so.

A D80 for nothing. !!

*Ok ok I'm kidding. The effort needed looks terribly daunting at this hour.

PS. Here's one picture because posts lately are all words and no play.I'm going to randomly draw one cos it takes 20 yrs for all the photos to load to be able to preview it.
Ding ding ding.....
(I'm waiting for ONE picture to load. It's taking 15 years....)

I will try my best to avoid ENN ESS for the next 15 years

See, I am so paranoid that I daren't spell NS.

hah!
Yeah todays's star headline really scared me.
my mum told me she read in the newspaper that those studying overseas are EXEMPTED.
but I only half-believed her cos sometimes she remember things wrongly.

so i'm no innocent blur sotong cos I did think of it the whole six months at home and think it would get lost in the 21,000 high stack of paper work.
I said to God, "Please Lord don't let this be your lesson to teach me I have to submit to governing authorities.":(

Erm hrm let's just see how things go.

Am apprehensive about uni. :(

Don't puke into the sink!

Cos it gets clogged. And you have to fish out the undigested food matter/stomach acid/mucus into the toilet bowl.

Ugh undigested coconut pieces and squid. :/ Reminds me of the kerabu sotong salad twink tried to make but erm...

anyways, i'm here to speak about vomiting.

Cos everytime i get nausea and have the urge to puke, I feel like i'm dying- hence that makes it so much more etched in my memory.

I first realised the feeling of dying is nausea back in 2007, when i came back from school, felt so sick that i couldnt make it to my room, and had to call debo to help me while i lay on the canteen chairs.

Now, the secret is, of relieving yourself of the terrible feeling that you're dying, is, to vomit. Yes, the urge to vomit is so much more worse than the process of puking.

After that, if you're really sick, you'll continue to feel terrible. But not as terrible as the feeling of being in a cesspit of you can't do anything to make the feeling of dying go away, not even lying down you know. I mean, even period cramps can be slightly alleviated by lying down in a certain foetal position.

In vietnam, I had a bout of food poisoning. It came in the middle of the night, and somehow i couldnt figure out that the uncomfortable-ness i was feeling was due to the urge to throw up all my ingested food. and when i did, oh felt somuch better. hmm, actually there wasn't food.more like just water. (Haha too much info eh?) Then yesterday night, suddenly I felt oh so terrible. That same ol' feeling of uncomfortableness. It soon escalated to I'm dying so i quickly switched off my laptop and went upstairs. At first I thought it was due to the fumes caused by some numbskull burning his rubbish which released toxic plastic fumes into the air. I really thought it was that. And I thought of the little molecules of plastic polymers are rejoining together in my nasal passage and forming a hardened crust of plastic along the lining of it.

I thought maybe I was going to die of this toxic poisoining. It even crossed my mind that maybe the whole family will be wiped out from this. Because of this numbskull.

While brushing my teeth, it hit me that this is the feeling when you need to vomit. I resisted the urge, because the urge was such a terrible body-shuddering feeling that I was afraid how the real thing would feel. After much coaxing and a dose of courage, I stupidly puked into the sink. First the coconut meat, then the squid and what-not.

Then the cleaning up while still having a string of saliva hanging out the corner of your mouth. Haha! Gross right.

Yeah so note to self: Just puke cos it feels so much better afterwards.

Can't Get Back

Will Smith says that the superpower he wants is to be able to read people's minds. He says that it'll solve the world's problems. hmmm, yeah maybe. But right now, I need that.

I've this friendship that I think it's going down the drains. I think it's because of misunderstandings. I've a lot of reservations about this friend, and sometimes I think it has to be me being overly paranoid. Not wanting to be hurt or rejected first. Then some little part of me says hey what if you're right, and you mean nothing to her.
Many times I try to brush off the suspicions, then when the same thing happens it's like, gosh so many times, it has to be true right?

So what to do, leave it and walk away? Then I think of all the effort she put in for this friendship, and I didn't really do much.

A friend once said that friendships are investments. And she didnt want to make new friends cos her plate was already full.
I was pretty shocked at that statement, turned off even. But it's quite true. I don't make much effort in keeping in contact, no matter how much I still think dearly of a person.

In all this mess, not knowing what the other person is thinking and not sure what would make the matter worse, I thought of Jesus and frankly He's the best example. He doesn't care if He's rejected, He still stands at the door and knock.

So that's my answer, to keep at this friendship.

But it's still hard not to be hurt and prideful.