12.45 AM and Christmas isn't Christmas when......

It's already Christmas.

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"--which means, "God with us."

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people's chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born. "In Bethlehem in Judea," they replied, "for this is what the prophet has written: "'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'" Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, "Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him."

After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.

On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. "Get up," he said, "take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him."

So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until the death of Herod. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: "Out of Egypt I called my son."

When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled: "A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more."

After Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, "Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the child's life are dead."

So he got up, took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning in Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there. Having been warned in a dream, he withdrew to the district of Galilee, and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth. So was fulfilled what was said through the prophets: "He will be called a Nazarene."

--Matthew 1:18 - 2:23

Funny

Just on the past Sunday, I was with my mom and sis and we were at Giant went we.. found ourselves in a situation we really didnt want to be in.
The thing was we saw this possible parking lot (not obstructing anyone and big enough) , just that a cone was blocking it. Now the thing is, many shop owners use all kinds of things to "book" the spot. So my mom moved it. We came back, and our car was clamped.

Next thing I know, my mom is arguing heatedly with the bumiputra(malay) security guard. To cut the long story short, there was a lot of arguing, shouting, frustration, defensiveness and me praying to dear God for His intervention. And He did, just not how I expected. Eventually, my mom called up the chairman who owns the carpark and got him to unclamp our car.

I thought my mom should have been more calm. And my sis should let the man argue his point. But I guess maybe I missed out a couple of points or didnt see the flaw of his argument.
The whole thing ended bitterly, with the lady saying we were looking down at her job. I thought that perhaps there shouldnt be so much loss of cool, esp when the man held his, but then it wasnt my car, and i havent faced enough of this shit to know that they don't deserve respect.
But I still feel as God's salt and light, we should have acted differently.
(saying all this, know that I have failed in so many more ways)

Then today at dinner, daddy talked about how malaysia is going down the drains. Then we realised I've never been to a kebangsaan school, never outnumbered by the bumiputras in class. Hence, I've never faced the racism when it comes to their special rights. This explains why I don't vehemently hate the institution behind this whole bumiputra thing as I should.

I used to think, you might be shocked, that it was quite okay for the bumis to assert their right. I mean, you were here first, so... But then, I Realised, hey it's time to realise that we (chinese and indians) have been around for a pretty loooong time already. So in a way we are owners of the land too.
But now to think of the US. where everyone who has the will can make it, special rights should be booted out of the door. You get challenged by outsiders coming in, you get up and work too.

Then , I just read quaintly.net's article on malaysian police, and then I think, funny, these events happen in such a short time, is God trying to say something to me?

Her article and the comments generated really painted a devastating picture, what my dad was saying all along but i could not comprehend the extent of it.

When I compare Sg and here, i think, of sg is so small, so easy to maintain and enforce policies. then again, small has its problems. And i think of BIG malaysia, and i think, it's going to take enormous strength to pull the sluggish resistance that holds the country down. And who's to do it? Non-bumis? we're outnumbered. Bumis who see both sides of the coin? They're even more outnumbered.

Leaving? makes the people who want change even more outnumbered. Leaving them (who are not so fortunate to have the means) to deal with greater shit being the even smaller minority left.

Shit shit shit.

But the top ranks sure paint a lovely picture of themselves. I was fooled.

I still don't know everything. Who knows, maybe the top IS trying to make a better difference. But for who.

Bad thing is, this leads to generalization which will make racism inherent in most of us.

One thing about principle. I would say pay the fine rather than pay a "lesser fine (in other words a bribe)", but whats the point, when you never know where your legal fine is going to end up.

While I have been away and prob can leave in future to not have to face this monster, it guilts me that my parents, my family do, and i will never understand, and yet judge.

Then again, when faced with this shit, let us all try to think of people in places like darfur,

and with the hope of what is to come in eternity. (easier said than done though).

The Journey
by Max Lucado

I drove the family to Grandma's last night for Thanksgiving. Three hours into the six-hour trip, I realized that I was in a theology lab.

A day with a car full of kids will teach you a lot about God. Transporting a family from one city to another is closely akin to God transporting us from our home to his.

A journey is a journey, whether the destination be the Thanksgiving table or the heavenly one. Both demand patience, a good sense of direction, and a driver who knows that the feast at the end of the trip is worth the hassles in the midst of the trip.

For me, six hours on the road is a small price to pay for my mom's strawberry cake. I don't mind the drive because I know the reward. I have three decades of Thanksgivings under my belt, literally. As I drive, I can taste the turkey. Hear the dinner-table laughter. Smell the smoke from the fireplace.

I can endure the journey because I know the destiny.

For some of you, the journey has been long. Very long and stormy. In no way do I wish to minimize the difficulties that you have had to face along the way. Some of you have shouldered burdens that few of us could ever carry. You have bid farewell to life-long partners. You have been robbed of life-long dreams. You have been given bodies that can't sustain your spirit. You have spouses who can't tolerate your faith. You have bills that outnumber the paychecks and challenges that outweigh the strength.

And you are tired.

Let me encourage you with a parallel between your life's journey and the one our family took last night.

It's worth it.

As I write, the Thanksgiving meal is over. My legs are propped up on the hearth. My tablet is on my lap.

I have every intention of dozing off as soon as I finish this chapter.

The turkey has been attacked. The giblet gravy has been gobbled. The table is clear. The kids are napping. And the family is content.

As we sat around the table today, no one spoke of the long trip to get here. No one mentioned the requests I didn't honor. No one grumbled about my foot being on the accelerator when their hearts were focused on the banana splits. No one complained about the late hour of arrival.

Yesterday's challenges were lost in today's joy.

God never said that the journey would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.

Remember this: God may not do what you want, but he will do what is right ... and best. He's the Father of forward motion. Trust him. He will get you home. And the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll close my eyes. I'm a bit tired from the journey, and it feels good to rest.

Tell

Hrm, I was considering giving the admission officers the address of this blog. youknow, so they could know me better.

But I decided against this. Yes, i can hear the collective sigh of relief.
As I was mulling over the decision, (yes it was a great dilemma), I realise this blog o mine, well represents only certain parts of my life, or tells certain parts of me. It's usually the negative things that pop up, you know gripe gripe gripe. And I don't really write about international or social concerns that grip me. personal yes, to a certain extent.

But I do have this blog to thank that I find writing the personal essay a smooth processs. I mean I do have my mental blocks on how it should be, but I can write you know? They always say for a language you gotta gotta write and read! well, ahem, although i do these two frequently, though not the best of sources and avenues.

//

Oh yesterday, around say, 4 in the morning, I packed up to go upstairs to sleep. Then, I realised the only thing I have to bring up was my cup. It startled me as I am so used to having a huge going to tumble out of my arms stack of books and latop or bag that i would have to lug (and give me the excuse of taking the lift up one floor). Sigh, those were the days. Those days I had to worry about the gate locking at two, the hard plastic seat of the pantry chairs, and odd sounds that occur at odd hours in the hostel.

Kinda miss it i guess. thanks a lot to mrs wong. we had so much more fun with her around.
You know I havent unpacked. i'm still living out of a suitcase. Number one, there is no place for me (or no place clean!) to put my clothes, which has multiplied since the last time I left. I think I can actually live like this for the next few months until uni beckons me.

But I'm itching to throw things out! Toothbrushes that have sat there for donkey years, clothes, books, miscellaneous stuff.BUT, I tried starting but realise I need the whole family to make sure I'm not throwing out someone else's treasure.
And how to separate stuff to throw, i mean recycle or to give away. And the horror of dust, cobwebs and silverfishes. And gecko Shit.


wow its been some time since I blogged so much.

Dawson just whined. poor her. you know, she was around when I first started this blog. Go read the second post i think.
but back to her. poor her. I wonder when she last had a bath. And seems like she only gets to drink once a day cos she doesnt want to use her bottle and we cant leave a container of water out there cos of mosquitoes. and frankly that place has become pretty dreadful to step into. *shivers*

her boobs are sagging now and she's pretty thin. and every night she's being tortured by me sister's violin playing. Haha no lah. KIDDING! I mean the violin sounds pretty shrill. esp the high notes. not the playing k. the violin.

Well, I will try my best to play with her and bathe her. only she's just so big and jumpy. And I'm paranoid with ticks and fleas and least of all dirt.
But she deserves something good.

okbye

Worm in me

thats how i feel right now. like some sort of parasitic worry-worm thats in me heart, stomach and chest at the same time, coiling and twisting, making me feel like im in a state of neither here nor there.

must be due to the personal statements and colleges that i have to choose. SOON. yes that must be it.

couldnt be the christmas cheer that i seem to be left out of.
(insert sad christmas picture)

Hello World

Hmm, after seeing madam and getting the forms signed, I felt a tiny bit of relief. Which I have not felt for a long long time. Since I started IB, there was always work to be done.

Well , actually, I'm still not quite done. Personal essays, and studying for SATs (again).

So, will blog again sometime. Reflections are coming up to. I just left my hostel today. In which the room I stayed for two years. :( not sad because of the room, but the people. Esp the Wongs.

Sigh.
Hmm, but then again, if it's God's will, I'll be seeing them every thursday haha.