randomness is my self expression

sos. my hse is being invaded by red ants and mosquitos. right now, as i sit here typing, they are directing a barrage of attacks at me.
i just killed a worm. catapillar. whatever. as i kinda squashed it, i told it ," sorry, no living things except me allowed in here. " (well, the ants are still around but they're too many and they're EVERYWHRE!!) I also dunno how i'm surviving the mosquitos. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, they swarm to u, leaving u no peace. i am dotted with little red bumps now. hah! but they're too insignificant to dwell upon. (well, as long as they give me 5 minutes of peace to type this)
(indentation here;) today i decided not to watch any tv. Firstly, i think i'm wasting away whatever's left of my hols just vegetating in front of the tv. secondly , there are many things i want to get down but at the rate i'm going i'll only be able to do them when i retire.
(another indentation here) well, so i grabbed this book that was suppose to be last year's christmas present- 7 habits of highly effective teens. as i read it, i find that i'm halfway learnign most of the things in it, so not bad eh. anyways, i came across this passage, which is suppose to be the writings of an Anglican bishop:

When I was young and free and my

imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world;

As I grew older and wiser I realised

the world would not change.

And I decided to shorten my sights

somewhat and change only my country.

But it too seemed immovable.

As I entered my twilight years, in one last

desperate attempt, I sought to change

only my family, those closest to me, but

alas they would have none of it.

And now here I lie on my death bed and

realise (perhaps for the first time) that if

only I'd changed myself first, then by

examplei may have influenced my

family and with their encouragement

and support I may have bettered my

country, and who knows I may have changed the world.

The reason why I am risking copyright infringement here is because i think it is quite applicabl to what kind of work i want to do. I wanted to do environmental work, but the kind where u really got out there and make a big impact. I feel passionate about the environment, because sometimes when it is destroyed people lose their livelihood and habitate, most of the time without their consent. this injustice is what stirs me. but as i talk to more grown-ups, the prospect of me actually doing work like this is-bleak. there're also a lot of otherthings involve but yeah. sigh. i just hope i do something i'll be happy about.

anyways, movign on to soemthign less confusing and heavy, i also learn from the book mentioned above on how i should "keep promises to myself", so that I will trust myself. " We should treat the commitments we make to ourselves as seriously as those we make to the most impertant people in our lives". As I mentioned, I promised myself that i wouldn't watch any tv, but i did. (!) two very fast thoughts flashed across my mind. one, I have to stay in the livingroom to watch the hse. (you see, my grandma had taken my maid to accompany her down the road, so i was the only one at home, and i saw this whole bunch of monkeys hanging on the durian tree so i had to make sure they didnt get into the hse and throw raw eggs all over liek they did the last time. ) secondly, i though, who am i kidding anyway?is there a purpose in disallowing myself to watch tv? its not like its bad or anything.

The reason why i said the thoughts went thru my mind very fast is because within that 2 secs i swtch on the tv, before my conscience could talk some sense into me. sigh. furthermore, earlier in the day, as i was tempted to switch the tv on, i was thinking, no, i am stronger than this, the tv does not control me. i must prove it is not an addiction. too bad these things didnt occur to me in those two secs. but well! the book also says be gentle with yourself=). hmmm, i wonder whether i should take this mroe seriously.

here's something random to end with. I think it is pretty cool.-courtesy of this really "rad" band- waterdeep

Now Jeremiah wasn't cool

They'll say Jeremiah was a fool.

And Ezekiel wasn't cool

They'll say Ezekiel was a fool.

And Isaiah wasn't cool

They'll say Isaiah was a fool.

And Jesus wasn't cool

They'll say Jesus was a fool

Now Jesus wasn't cool

And if Jesus was a fool

Then I don't wanna cool.

YEAH!

This is the second time I'm typing this because the no brain (technically it doesnt have a brain system doesnt save my work when I click back!

This is the only two dishes i can eat for the next 5 days. The classic potato soup, and home made(which is naturally sour) yogurt, topped with bananas and honey.The potato soup, mind you, has no salt and pepper. Mmmm. The yogurt, was only palatable as i putone part yogurt and one part honey. half half. Mmmm. I do apologize for being so whiny and cynical, but this is my attept on a health regimen which i regard as masochistic. (note: masochistic here refers to A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences) . When i say regimen, it is not really

A regulated system, as of diet, therapy, or exercise, intended to promote
health or achieve another beneficial effect,

but

A course of intense physical training

haha. Well not really physical, but mental. Since i dont really have the lungs now to enter a marathon, this will be an opportunity for me to train my mind to be greater than my body, hence i will be able to push my body to go further than 3K ;). The reason why i say this is a mental challenge is because everyhalf an hour i'm drinking some weird healthy( healthy here means not pleasant to one's palate,.) drink. for example, one is apple cider vinegar, with honey, but with something that is added to make it gelatinous within 1 minute. so i have to gulp a big glass of it in one go. ugh. then another tall glass of water. sigh. since i wake up late, so i have to pack everythign ina shorter time, so its practically every half hour gulping soemthing down, be it fruit juice( this is not ur typical apple juice but a concoction of fruits plus vege though healthy but do not complement each other IMHO) or apple cider. It makes my stomach bloat which i really hate.then some other stuff which u do not wish to know.

but hey!I should not dread it yeah. Thats part of the mental battle. I will detoxify myself, removign all unnatural stuff that nots suppose to be in my body. I will have pimple-less skin, a glowing complexion no eczema breakouts. I will be rejuvenated, more alert and more energized. I will also be able to fit into my old jeans=D. haha.

tu doo do doo do

(2 hrs after typing that title)that title was what jakob dylan was singing at that time. now he's singing i'm tired.....i'm tired..and basically i feel that. not just physically but to type this. hrm.. well i shall just try. cos its liek there's nothing i have to really say now. my last post was a loong looong time ago, before my exams. i never really felt free after my exams, as i felt compelled to go out and stuff. but then when i had time to relax i really felt the relief of not having the pressure to study. yup. what else?i was grounded. i decided not to care cos i was saying, not thinking, i wont be in this hostel and i'm leaving it already. but guess what , if i do IB in acsi then i'll still be in this hostel. to cut the logn story short, i cried, got grounded, kinda regretted it, but still wish i can stay out later. but i guess its not safe. sigh. cos that nite one of my friends kinda got groped. maybe its a warning sign. then i went for camp. tot it would be horible, but God answered my prayer and it turned out to be quite pleasant. actually mroe than that. but its hard to articulate the intricate and compounded feelings. and oh. spending a lot of money. but dont feel like thinking abt that. but i bought (just occured to me i used to buts one after the other. so am i contradicting myself?)this *drum rool* waffle racer II in lime ice and white. haha. i've been eyeing it for quite soem time. well not really. i jsut saw it in kl and they didnt have my size then when i saw it in singapore i decided it must be fate. harhar. but now i have to buy sport shoes cos mine are wrecked and thats gonna be mroe money. sigh.plus more money is spent on my ticket to manila. can u belive it cost 1200 to fly there?sheesh. and i'm gonna shop there too. cos my fren's dad has this clothing company. manoman. and thinking of getting a camera for christmas but i think i have spent money on too many thigns already. u noe during the camp i handled on of those digital SLRs, to be specific-the canon eos 10D. it was so cool. i really want to be able to shoot with one of those. but must take small steps first. but all this photography jargon really puts me off. oh and i had my hair cut. not really nice. kinda short. suppose to be textured. but everytime i wake up i look like i have to humps on my head. now, it's plumes of feathers. well,. thats the short story of everything. that reminds me. i bought this ultra funny book that's politically correct fairy tales. will write soem excerpts if chance permits. till then, may life be richer