In conclusion?

One of my problems with sociology is I feel that you end up with a bunch of theories in hand that offer possible explanations for something, but nothing concrete.
So you have to choose one and take a stand, says my tutor.
He also says everything is relative, or something like that. (I'm not sure if he said everything..)

I do subscribe to relativism, well most of the time, cos I do believe we don't know the truth. I think I've talked about this before, like how can I say that your God is wrong while you could say the same of mine.

But, but I do have my faith and convictions.

Still deep deep (deep down sounded cliche-d) I knew relativism was inconclusive, that it was there to breed tolerance and maintain peace.
And the problem with it that there was no truth, no absolutes. And I believe in a God that is all-knowing, thus there was an absolute truth. So very very uncomfortable I feel when we are forced to conclude that everything is relative.
But that's because we as man cannot know.

Is that why we need faith? For I will never never possess the knowledge that concludes my God is God. (no evidence is infallible- man's limit)

With that faith, I believe in the little that He reveals to us in His book, or however He wishes.
I obey His laws, that stem from his knowledge of truth, that I may have this yardstick to carry on with my life, cos I do find relativism rather paralysing, when you cannot act because uncertainty always plagues, ie you never know if you're doing the "right" thing.

With my limits in mind, (I really really have this small nagging feeling I haven't completed this thought process yet), perhaps in another year, or after another discussion I will come to another conclusion.

//
I tried reading back to the end of 2007, trying to remember how it was. Hmm but I didn't blog much, and I guess the stress was spread out, with all the projects and stuff. Now, everything pretty much hinges on the final exam. or so it feels.
Anyways, I find a certain distance from the person speaking say in October 07, some lines I cannot remember why I wrote. And this person, who speaks so, so brash, so teenage-like. Using a lot of "like" and so on so on.
Maybe I'm still the same. But nowadays I'm more inhibited (or being policed), or well, there are walls between me and you, the reader. Today I got this feeling that it's been so long, so long, since I've had that connection, of sharing a part of me to a stranger. Which is something all together different from sharing the same woes to your close friends, who I guess is so used to it, that perhaps, it got a bit old, that they couldn't be cared for anymore. (not me, the woes) (or maybe we all have the same woes and wallow wallow wallow) or maybe I don't want to sound like broken record, burdening and burdening. (though I do which I'm sure anh and rowe will testify)

*I know, what's up with the repetition? haha I guess from a lit pov, the echoing is a sense of despondence, wailing? haha*

I feel this dissatisfaction is so wrong, the crave for a kind of human company. That it means I'm not fitting right with God.

Being yours is suppose to be easy, innit?

Worldview

Reading my (American) sociology textbook, reading the chapter on deviance and crime.

Reading on how different theories explain causes of deviance and crime.


When I find myself agreeing, I realise it's because it's something I watched in movies.

Scary huh, I readily absorb what I see in movies as the real thing. True, many depict things realistically, but many don't. Even many that portray a true story colour things a bit. Documentaries can be biased and don't show you the whole thing.

So how now?

theories theories theories = not the truth

So depressing

Haha. I do realise that recently my posts have been written on the spur of welling up of negative emotions.

I do think I choose to be negative, mostly about life now, especially since I'm trapped (note choice of word) in this NUS bubble. Staying in hall is a cause. But then again, even if I stayed off campus, I don't know if I'd have much of a life. Hmm. But I would like to imagine living a mix of this and this. Like do art, photography (going to places to shoot), visiting museums, obscure interesting places in singapore, sitting in idyllic cafes for long hours reading/chatting, nostalgic nature walks. Time to ponder and reflect I guess.

I think it's possible to be passionate about hall life and stuff, ..*thinking, becoming down about it*... ahem, maybe next sem yea. Heh, optimistic yes?

So let me tell you something funny that happened the other day.

I went running at night (Oh shoots that reminds me I haven't change my contact lens solution! it's been more than 3 days:( ). Yup I went running alone, it was about 11pm. Now now I've considered the dangers, but it was on campus and I planned to stick to the main roads.
So I got a good pace (rare esp with no one to pace me), and then this car coming in the opp direction (see I am cautious, a true KLite huh), slows and obviously would be someone asking for directions.
Sure enough, this guy wanted to know where McDonald's was. Here's how the conversation went:
(Let's call him McLoser as you'll see why later. I know labeling but you'll see he really deserves it)

McLoser: Hey do you know where McDonald's is?
Me: Erm, *thinks*, you turn left at the roundabout.. then...*thinks how complicated it is. It is!* I don't think it's open now (11 plus yousee). Why don't you try the West Coast one. You go this way...
McLoser: Oh oh the NTU one closes at 12am, so should be still open la. Anyways, it's cheaper here:D
Me: *ROLLS EYES* (as you can see loser trait number one: now a penny saved is a penny gained, but when you're so driven to save a few bucks even when you can't find the place. and if you have a car I"m sure you can afford a meal that cost a few more. Anyways, if you really wanted to save money you wouldn't be buying Macs.) Erm okay, you go straight, turn left at the roundabout, then you'll see *thinks of Central Libray, and Macs will be on the right, but he's in a car! How do you direct him to park and walk.....argh..*
McLoser: Nevermind, which building is it?
Me: Engin *thinks hello it is so big you think you can find it?*
McLoser: Oh okay, cos I use to be a student here.

Me: ----------------________________________________-------------------------

McLoser: Which faculty are you from ah?
Me: erm.. science.
McLoser: Oh me too me too. You stay in hall is it?
Me: erm.. yeah.. *starts turnign my body away at this point*
McLoser: Oh I see I see..*mumbles something I can't remember as I start to semi-panic*
Me: *interrupts him* Ok bye! *Starts jogging*
McLoser: Oh ok ok, thanks, nice to meet you.
I RUN.

Ok so nothing right, continue running.

Then.

Horrors. Out of the corner of my eye I see headlights coming from behind and the car slows down.

He follows me, shouting from the other side of the road,
McLoser: Hey thanks ah, but I decided to go to NUH to eat alr.
Me: *thinks wouldn't NUH be closed at this time? !!dodgy liar!!* Ok great!(Good for you!) Bye! *turns to run off*
McLoser: ok bye bye.. Hey hey! My name is Peter! What's your name?
Me: (Am so stunned I completely stop at this moment) *thinks furtively for a fake name. Mind blanks* -Prisca. (cringes inwardly)
McLoser: Oh nice to meet you Prisca.
Me: Ok *painful smile* Bye! *starts running*
McLoser: Oh bye, bye!.... Oh oh hey would you be interested in meeting up sometime?
Me: *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzmmp* (you know that sound effect in videos when everything stops because of something incredulous being said?) (I'm lost for words. Actually I was thinking of shouting Get Lost or something ruder and was struggling internally.).... N.o.t. i.n.t.e.r.e.s.t.e.d.
McLoser: ok *mumbles mumbles*
Me: Bye *runs off without caring whether he's still talking*

At this point I'm completely freaked. I think he made a U-turn. Because of it, I debated whether to run the route as it passed quite an isolated road. Anyways, I turned, and on my way back I saw a car idling by the road near SDE, so being paranoid it could be him trying to track which hall I stayed in, I ran through library.

Yup, so hope you found that entertaining. Cos I did, freaked out and all.

Where there is no God,

there is no meaning.

and this "where", applies to our friendship too.

Oh how I would like for that to be true. But God loves you too. And God wants to be "there".

But your apathy cuts deep. Funny how your indifference makes such a difference in me.

Cringe

I put a note on facebook regarding something I was trying to figure out,
and then when I went away, stepped back, I realised it was simple and.. ?

Then the replies came in, and I felt.. so stupid. I mean so ignorant. Not a bad ignorant, just lacking knowledge. I suppose I should accept it humbly instead of feeling stupid, but I can;t help but cringe.

Ah well, shameful as it is, baby steps.

Solitary

To exist like a flower, like an island. Maybe a visit from the bee once in a while.

Tagged by Sammy

As promised, doing this now, cos I thought of one thing for:

16 Random Facts About Me-

1) I'll be glad when I'm 21 not because I can drive/smoke/drink whatever legal thing, but because I won't have to find a guardian/parent to sign forms! Ugh esp when they're not with you.

2) I like listening to music when I'm out walking, makes it feel like my life is a music video. (Ipod earphones are better at this)

3) I feel guilty when I press next when a hillsong song comes up in shuffle. Either I don't enjoy the music, or I compartmentalise it... Uh oh.

4) I don't really like chocolate. It gets old.

5) Chips draw me but when I start eating them, I find I dislike the msg-ish taste it leaves in my mouth immensely.

6) I am messy, but hyggienic. More so when it comes to food.

7) I am easily affected by the conduct of people around me.

8) Sometimes I like to pretend that my life is romanticised-tically emo. That's why I like this wee morning hours and listening to music.

9) I am easily attracted. I'm not so serious enough to consider a crush as really really liking the person.

10) I seriously like my birthdate, 26th May. It sounds good together.

11) I'm glad I'm Prisca and not Priscilla. Totally not me.

12) I dislike most names that start with P (except mine of course), like Peggy, Petunia, Patty, Posh if you consider that a name.

13) I'm materialistic. Hence receiving presents and shopping (buying things) are short-lived happy moments for me. Sad, yes.

14)I have really bad skin now. I mean I itch and itch. Like now:(

15) I do what I want, yet it's not really what I want.

16) I wish I had a smaller butt. Humph.

Phunk

School is starting, everyone's asking,

"So, looking forward to the new semester?"

Not really, well since at this point I haven't gotten enough modules, yet. And that it's pretty crucial I do very well.

Today was a good day, a good day in this point of time when I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of phunk. A phunk where there is such relief when I find out I don't have any sort of training, and I can just laze and do what I want.

The dread that there is something coming up, when all I want to do is just stay in my room.

Brief moments of being free from that dreaded something has to be done/faced, but then time passes, and then the burden climbs back on.

Even in my 6 months of doing nothing while waiting for uni, well there were brief periods of time when I really had no obligations/responsibilities, I'm sure I told myself to savour and remember that moment, but I have no memory of it now.

I need peace I guess, and start the engine.